What happens when someone dies?
I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, but nobody cares about your feelings right now. When someone dies, you’re going to have to deal with a lot of bureaucracy before you can go back to sitting in your bedroom and crying all day.
If you already paid for your loved one’s funeral when they were alive, congratulations! Learn more about the benefits of preplanning a funeral here. But if they asked you not to pay for it until after the funeral, then you’re screwed. Funeral homes are known for being part of some sketchy businesses that prey on people when they’re in a time of need – just like every other business out there. Especially lawyers.
If your loved one didn’t leave any money, the cheapest option is to find a guy who looks like your loved one and go to their funeral. I know what you’re thinking: “But they’ll know it’s not them!” Who cares? At this point, I don’t think anyone can tell the difference anyway – especially if you put on some sunglasses and a false mustache.
You could also try to go the route of pretending you’re a distant relative or something, but that’s going to be tough to pull off if you don’t look exactly like your loved one. And even if no one catches on, they’ll never believe you have their best interests in mind because your words will betray your true intentions.
So what are your other options? The next cheapest thing would be to hire a random person off the street to pretend to be your loved one – if you can find someone that looks enough like them. You’ll most likely have better luck finding someone who acts like your loved one, but physical appearance is going to play a big part in this.
If you were close enough to your loved one that they trusted you, all of this would be easy because they’d give you access to their savings account passwords and everything else. But if not, then tough cookies! They never paid for a funeral while they were alive so what makes them deserve it now?
Now, I know what you’re thinking: “The world isn’t fair! Why does everything have to be so hard?” But these days, life is like climbing Mount Everest; the only way to make it up there is by putting on 40 pounds of equipment and dragging an oxygen mask behind you.